Jay Bird's judgement

Jay Bird's judgement by W. C. Tuttle is a humorous Western short story written in the early 20th century. Set on a hard-luck cattle outfit, it satirizes ranch life and romance as a desperate need for a cook collides with small-town gossip and cowboy scheming, unleashing a comic parade of would-be cooks and brides. At the Cross J, glib cowhand Chuck Warner decides to solve his boss J. B. “Jay Bird” Whittaker’s miserable cooking by angling him into marriage. With Hen Peck and barber Ricky Henderson, he hatches a letter-writing plan offering high wages—and a hint of matrimony—to local cooks. Meddling by Muley Bowles and Telescope Tolliver, plus a mail mix-up, brings a swarm of women to the ranch—professional cooks, a widow, a stern brother guarding his sister’s honor, even a Native couple delivering a “bride”—and triggers fistfights, porch-smashing chaos, and visits from rival foremen, the sheriff, and Doc Milliken. Doc clears the place by yelling “smallpox,” then the truth lands: Jay Bird’s line about giving “a thousand dollars if I was married” meant paying off a breach‑of‑promise claim, not a bounty for finding him a wife, and Ricky had mailed the wrong batch of letters. In the coda, Jay Bird admits he sent Ricky the insulting “barber shaving a pig” valentine—calling them even—as the chastened crew watches the matrimonial stampede disappear down the road.